She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
