I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
