i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
