Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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