I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize