I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize