Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
