Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He passed out mid-signature
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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