the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
