nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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