I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
