there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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