My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Someone shit on the floor
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
