i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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