last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
