yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize