I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
