so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
