Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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