my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
porn star boner night. come get it.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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