I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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