i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
