we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
