At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
