god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
