is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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