you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
