Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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