Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You have to summon your inner elephant
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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