ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My nipple is on Facebook.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
