There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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