if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
