Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
