Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I will be naked everywhere
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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