Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
