he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
