Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
