He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
