we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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