pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
