He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
