i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
