so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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