yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
