I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
