he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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