weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
