Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Even my vagina gasped.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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