she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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