I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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