THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
