Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Drake has all the answers
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize