All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
