Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
