I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
