Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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