I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
