So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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