Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
