I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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