We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
