i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
When are your genitals available?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
