You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Randomize
