thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
