Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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