in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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