If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
did you just send me my own nude
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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