You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
