Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
there is glitter all over my balls
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