good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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