Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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