he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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